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Chris Coffman's avatar

I’m very sorry to read that you have lost your brother. I lost my father many years ago and felt a sudden awareness of his presence as well, and of his loving awareness of me.

In my shock and grief that strong palpable sensation was a balm that began to heal the wounds of a long, painful relationship in which love and dislike, longing and alienation were entangled.

Since his earthly death I have felt a gradual mutual reconciliation between us.

You articulate beautifully and with courage and clarity the conflicting feelings, emotions and thoughts swirling through your mind and heart.

You seem open to a nurturing the soul connection with your brother. It is a perfectly achievable goal, even during this period when you and your brother are on either side of earthly death. Don’t succumb to guilt or regret; they are Satan’s snares, their function is to subject you to futility.

Your brother can be your supporter and advocate now, he can and almost certainly wants to help you achieve the full promise of your exceptional talent and creative promise.

Just don’t close up—continue to open yourself to the insights flooding your soul in the aftermath of your brother’s death: “there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

Send you my sincere sympathy and best wishes.

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Rick Lewis's avatar

I have someone I was very close to in my life that died before I could let go of my position and extend myself for reconciliation. It's a terrible thing to live with. On the other hand, the inability to resolve my mistake leaves it present in my attention as a living lesson that never fades, which in a strange way, I'm grateful for. Machines make everything convenient, and where there is no rub, forgetfulness of all kinds settle in. Remorse is an inherently wakeful force. God bless you and your brother.

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