Really insightful, thanks for sharing. Not all gender writing has to be slop.
A lot of the "red pill" type thinking frames modern marriage as fundamentally degrading for men. You see prose about wives who have zero respect for their cucked husbands. It's helpful to remember that it's just a narrative to support a point. I know zero men in marriages like that.
When I was in a bad spot in a relationship, I always envisioned myself chatting up girls at the gym. When the relationship ended, I did not speak to any of them. Similarly, married men tend to imagine themselves as players if their wife were not in the way. Again, these are mostly fictions or exaggerations. In college, a time popularly portrayed as licentious for most, many of the "players" did not actually hook up nearly to the extent they claimed or remembered. Sexual encounters carry extra weight in stories and memories because of their excitement. So giga-chad playboy Freddie DeBoer is probably over-remembering how frequently/ easily he got laid.
What is real will always be better than imagination by virtue of existence. A real, imperfect relationship is better than leering online, imagining yourself and women to be something else.
the squirrel metaphor at the opening is doing something most writers would not risk - it takes a dead-serious argument about sexual super-stimuli and grounds it in something absurd enough to disarm the reader before the real blade arrives. the move from the goose's supernormal egg to instagram face is one of the sharper analogical transitions i have read on this topic.
what struck me is the observation that incels have never encountered a couple who believably rejected the sexual black market. that absence is the real tragedy. they are not just angry about being excluded from the game. they have concluded that the game is the only reality, because nobody showed them what a genuine alternative looks like. the nihilism is not about sex. it is about the absence of a visible counter-model.
the line about tying a feather duster to the squirrel's tail to make him don juan is going to stay with me for a while.
>If you’ve ever seen it, “Instagram face,” is hyper-attractive on camera and yet looks strangely “2D” in real life.
I used to work on the floor below Ford Models, so i would see these people in the elevator every day. In the flesh, there was always something off; I called it the uncanny valley, but 2D is a good description. This essay is a good frame for an idea I've been struggling with - Beauty is a deception. I don't agree with that idea, but that is what super-stumuli looksmaxxing is attempting. You can see the line in real life, real flesh, but digitally, the line cannot be perceived. So to looksmaxx is to plug yourself into the Matrix (blue pill), because it's the only place where you can be beautiful to yourself.
There’s something almost endearing about how men intellectualize their own panic. Dress it up in biology, myth, operas, incels, super‑stimuli — anything to avoid saying the simpler thing: we built a world that makes everyone feel replaceable, and now we’re shocked that it’s eating us alive. I don’t disagree with the diagnosis; I just think women have been living inside the fallout for decades without needing a cosmology to explain it. Still, it’s interesting to watch the language evolve. The metaphors get sharper every year, which tells me the discomfort is finally landing where it belongs.
Really insightful, thanks for sharing. Not all gender writing has to be slop.
A lot of the "red pill" type thinking frames modern marriage as fundamentally degrading for men. You see prose about wives who have zero respect for their cucked husbands. It's helpful to remember that it's just a narrative to support a point. I know zero men in marriages like that.
When I was in a bad spot in a relationship, I always envisioned myself chatting up girls at the gym. When the relationship ended, I did not speak to any of them. Similarly, married men tend to imagine themselves as players if their wife were not in the way. Again, these are mostly fictions or exaggerations. In college, a time popularly portrayed as licentious for most, many of the "players" did not actually hook up nearly to the extent they claimed or remembered. Sexual encounters carry extra weight in stories and memories because of their excitement. So giga-chad playboy Freddie DeBoer is probably over-remembering how frequently/ easily he got laid.
What is real will always be better than imagination by virtue of existence. A real, imperfect relationship is better than leering online, imagining yourself and women to be something else.
I love this one. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Absolutely the best Substack of the week. A+
What a terrible thing; to be conscious...
the squirrel metaphor at the opening is doing something most writers would not risk - it takes a dead-serious argument about sexual super-stimuli and grounds it in something absurd enough to disarm the reader before the real blade arrives. the move from the goose's supernormal egg to instagram face is one of the sharper analogical transitions i have read on this topic.
what struck me is the observation that incels have never encountered a couple who believably rejected the sexual black market. that absence is the real tragedy. they are not just angry about being excluded from the game. they have concluded that the game is the only reality, because nobody showed them what a genuine alternative looks like. the nihilism is not about sex. it is about the absence of a visible counter-model.
the line about tying a feather duster to the squirrel's tail to make him don juan is going to stay with me for a while.
Nice, man made horrors beyond my comprehension 😃
>If you’ve ever seen it, “Instagram face,” is hyper-attractive on camera and yet looks strangely “2D” in real life.
I used to work on the floor below Ford Models, so i would see these people in the elevator every day. In the flesh, there was always something off; I called it the uncanny valley, but 2D is a good description. This essay is a good frame for an idea I've been struggling with - Beauty is a deception. I don't agree with that idea, but that is what super-stumuli looksmaxxing is attempting. You can see the line in real life, real flesh, but digitally, the line cannot be perceived. So to looksmaxx is to plug yourself into the Matrix (blue pill), because it's the only place where you can be beautiful to yourself.
There’s something almost endearing about how men intellectualize their own panic. Dress it up in biology, myth, operas, incels, super‑stimuli — anything to avoid saying the simpler thing: we built a world that makes everyone feel replaceable, and now we’re shocked that it’s eating us alive. I don’t disagree with the diagnosis; I just think women have been living inside the fallout for decades without needing a cosmology to explain it. Still, it’s interesting to watch the language evolve. The metaphors get sharper every year, which tells me the discomfort is finally landing where it belongs.
Who's "we?" How did we build it? You think women had nothing to do with it?
Don Juan ! (not Quixote)
Was up to make the same comment
this was amazing. such an interesting insight. I also wrote something similar to yours. would love to know your thoughts! https://k44rl44.substack.com/p/i-consumed-looksmaxxing-content-for?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web