“I can always find the meaning of my dreams, if I just think about them for a second (don’t ask me about the opening dream).”
Juggling the divers and various tasks of life including those entailed in fatherhood? It’s not a question of whether we must be jugglers, but of our proficiency and prudence in the task.
James, you’ve touched on all the questions that I have on dreams. And it’s hitting home when you mentioned: “This “seepage” is always happening in a million ways, just below your awareness.” I like the idea of seepage and it’s a great visual for what’s happening. Explains a lot.
I was at a Brazilian steakhouse one time with a good friend, and he asked the old question "if you could have any superpower, what would it be?"
I told him that I'd like the power to go back in time and re-do any part of my life, as many times as I wanted, in order to get it right.
"Then," I said, "I'd have a perfect life."
He told me that that was a ridiculous thing to want. I didn't think much more about it as I focused on the neverending meat.
Weeks later I had a dream. In it I was a kid again, four or five years old, just living my life. Then I made a mistake, and immediately died and had to start over. So I re-lived that experience without the same mistake, and got a little further before I had to start over again. And again. And again and again and again.
I was stuck in a neverending loop of trying to correct my mistakes, each time getting a little further, only to have to start over from the beginning at the next mistake. And each death was more painful than the last. It seemed like decades had gone by. Eventually I felt like the whole world just exploded at the impossibility of me ever getting things right, and my whole existence was somehow destroyed in what felt like total obliteration.
Then I woke up, and remembered what my friend had said.
He was right.
It was a ridiculous thing to want.
And it went completely against the gospel that had begun to transform me a decade before that.
The prayer of Jesus came to mind: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
I had experienced the impossibility of saving myself, in a way far deeper than I had ever thought was possible.
William Blake’s painting of “Jacob’s Ladder” depicted his dream of angels ascending the ladder to heaven made me think of Ted Chiang’s story of men trying to climb up to heaven on “The Tower of Babel.”
...I just wrote about the same thing. Great article by the way. https://warrenbaxter.substack.com/p/skopos
“I can always find the meaning of my dreams, if I just think about them for a second (don’t ask me about the opening dream).”
Juggling the divers and various tasks of life including those entailed in fatherhood? It’s not a question of whether we must be jugglers, but of our proficiency and prudence in the task.
James, you’ve touched on all the questions that I have on dreams. And it’s hitting home when you mentioned: “This “seepage” is always happening in a million ways, just below your awareness.” I like the idea of seepage and it’s a great visual for what’s happening. Explains a lot.
I was at a Brazilian steakhouse one time with a good friend, and he asked the old question "if you could have any superpower, what would it be?"
I told him that I'd like the power to go back in time and re-do any part of my life, as many times as I wanted, in order to get it right.
"Then," I said, "I'd have a perfect life."
He told me that that was a ridiculous thing to want. I didn't think much more about it as I focused on the neverending meat.
Weeks later I had a dream. In it I was a kid again, four or five years old, just living my life. Then I made a mistake, and immediately died and had to start over. So I re-lived that experience without the same mistake, and got a little further before I had to start over again. And again. And again and again and again.
I was stuck in a neverending loop of trying to correct my mistakes, each time getting a little further, only to have to start over from the beginning at the next mistake. And each death was more painful than the last. It seemed like decades had gone by. Eventually I felt like the whole world just exploded at the impossibility of me ever getting things right, and my whole existence was somehow destroyed in what felt like total obliteration.
Then I woke up, and remembered what my friend had said.
He was right.
It was a ridiculous thing to want.
And it went completely against the gospel that had begun to transform me a decade before that.
The prayer of Jesus came to mind: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
I had experienced the impossibility of saving myself, in a way far deeper than I had ever thought was possible.
I'm grateful for that dream.
William Blake’s painting of “Jacob’s Ladder” depicted his dream of angels ascending the ladder to heaven made me think of Ted Chiang’s story of men trying to climb up to heaven on “The Tower of Babel.”